Saw this on a poster in Honolulu, and found it to be both funny and insightful. This is how various religions of the world interpret the phrase, "shit happens."
Catholicism: If shit happens, I deserve it.
Hinduism: This shit happened before.
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Atheism: There is no shit.
Agnosticism: I don't know wherether shit happens.
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?
Rastafarianism: Let us smoke the chronic shit.
Islam: We must blow this shit up.
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
EARTH DAY. BELIEVE IT OR NOT
Today is Earth Day. Started in 1970, Earth Day is celebrated to remind us that we are stewards of this planet and must be responsibl-e citizens in protecting nature. It also tells us that human beings are greedy, voracious, filthy animals whose primary accomplishments have been destroying the environment, poisioning the air and pissing in our lakes, rivers and oceans.There are those on the left who have actually said the earth would be better off if the entire human race was decimated. Knowing that would mean they also would be decimated, they have their own alternative solutions, virtually ever one of them involving more government, more controls, more taxes, and an attack on things that make our lives more pleasurable and easier--like automobiles and planes, anything electronic. California wanted to go as far as outlawing outdoor barbecue grills. Take that you brat loving bastards.
In response, there are 2 facts I believe would shock most people. First, we are told not to use paper because we're destroying the trees and clearing the forests. Well, here's the first shocker: There is more forest acreage in America today than there was 100 years ago, thanks to reforestation by those greedy profit mongering paper companies.
Also, we hear the cries abour urbanization and how we are paving over America, destroying the wetlands, forests and farmlands simply to expand the suburbs and provide highways for those polluting nasty cars. Well, here's fact 2 that may shock people. Between 94.6 percent and 97.4 percent of the land area in the US is undeveloped rural areas. I bet many of you thought that at least 50 percent of this country has been paved over.
Yes, we should respect our planet and not shit where we eat and sleep, but be aware that one of the biggest polluters of the environment are the leftwing liars who fill the air with their bullshit.
In response, there are 2 facts I believe would shock most people. First, we are told not to use paper because we're destroying the trees and clearing the forests. Well, here's the first shocker: There is more forest acreage in America today than there was 100 years ago, thanks to reforestation by those greedy profit mongering paper companies.
Also, we hear the cries abour urbanization and how we are paving over America, destroying the wetlands, forests and farmlands simply to expand the suburbs and provide highways for those polluting nasty cars. Well, here's fact 2 that may shock people. Between 94.6 percent and 97.4 percent of the land area in the US is undeveloped rural areas. I bet many of you thought that at least 50 percent of this country has been paved over.
Yes, we should respect our planet and not shit where we eat and sleep, but be aware that one of the biggest polluters of the environment are the leftwing liars who fill the air with their bullshit.
Monday, April 21, 2014
MILK ON THE KNEES
A study conducted by the US National Heart, Lung and Blood Institute, and published in Arthritic Care & Research, is good news for you milk drinkers.
The study involved over 2,000 people, 1200 of them women, all with arthritis in their knees. Their daily dietary habits were recorded, and their knees carefully diagnosed every 12 months for 4 years. The 4 year study found that the women who consumed the most milk had the slowest amount of knee deterioration due to arthritis. As for the guys--fuggetaboutit! Milk consumption had no effect on men. Estrogen, the female hormone, is believed to have aided in warding off the adverse effects of arthritis. Also, milk products, like cheese, had no beneficial effect in fighting the disease, and the fat content may actually hasten the damage done by the disease.
Approximately 27 million Americans 25 years of age and older are afflicted with arthritis, but for some unknown reason,arthritis of the knees is worse in women. As of yet, researchers don't know exactly how or why milk helps. But whatever the reason, ladies, grab an extra glass of the cow juice and protect those beautiful knees. As for us guys, we can always hope they find a cure in a good bottle of aged Scotch.
The study involved over 2,000 people, 1200 of them women, all with arthritis in their knees. Their daily dietary habits were recorded, and their knees carefully diagnosed every 12 months for 4 years. The 4 year study found that the women who consumed the most milk had the slowest amount of knee deterioration due to arthritis. As for the guys--fuggetaboutit! Milk consumption had no effect on men. Estrogen, the female hormone, is believed to have aided in warding off the adverse effects of arthritis. Also, milk products, like cheese, had no beneficial effect in fighting the disease, and the fat content may actually hasten the damage done by the disease.
Approximately 27 million Americans 25 years of age and older are afflicted with arthritis, but for some unknown reason,arthritis of the knees is worse in women. As of yet, researchers don't know exactly how or why milk helps. But whatever the reason, ladies, grab an extra glass of the cow juice and protect those beautiful knees. As for us guys, we can always hope they find a cure in a good bottle of aged Scotch.
Friday, April 18, 2014
MENTAL STIMULATION AND ICE FORMATION
The Journal of Occupational Health Psychology published a recent study that found that people who had the most mentally stimulating jobs were more likely to stay mentally sharp after they retire. The theory is that the harder the brain works, the more neurons it creates, which protect against neuron loss later in life. Jobs that require information gathering, analysis and problem solving are the most beneficial. Repetitive occupations, such as assembly line workers, provide the least stimulation. For those people, it becomes imperative that they engage in mentally stimulating activities outside of work. Card playing, reading, charitable work, and night courses would provide the needed mental challenges to keep them sharp in their retirement years.
Another reason I do not believe in global warming: Using satellite radar, scientists have discovered that instead of losing 21 billion tons of ice yearly, Antarctica is actually accumulating 27 billion tons of ice. Go figure.
Another reason I do not believe in global warming: Using satellite radar, scientists have discovered that instead of losing 21 billion tons of ice yearly, Antarctica is actually accumulating 27 billion tons of ice. Go figure.
Thursday, April 17, 2014
WHAT IF YOUR DAD...
Since this is now the baseball season, I think it's a good time for some baseball humor and a lesson in one of life's truths.
A man named Sam saw his 15 year old neighbor, Todd, wearing a Chicag Cubs baseball cap. Sam asked the boy, "Why are you wearing a Chicago Cubs cap?"
"Because my Mom and Dad are Cubs fans," Todd replied.
"That's not a good reason," Sam said. "Don't follow other people.You have to think for yourself. What if your father was a drug dealer and your mother was a prostitute?"
"In that case," Todd replied, "I'd be a Chicago White Sox fan."
A man named Sam saw his 15 year old neighbor, Todd, wearing a Chicag Cubs baseball cap. Sam asked the boy, "Why are you wearing a Chicago Cubs cap?"
"Because my Mom and Dad are Cubs fans," Todd replied.
"That's not a good reason," Sam said. "Don't follow other people.You have to think for yourself. What if your father was a drug dealer and your mother was a prostitute?"
"In that case," Todd replied, "I'd be a Chicago White Sox fan."
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
THE WORST PIECE OF...
For many people, middleage means hearing loss. The following is an example of the problems it can cause.
A middleaged married couple were driving to the supermarket when the husband sees the flashing lights of a cop car in his rear view mirror. He immediately pulls over. A veteran cop saunters up to the car and says, "Drivers license and registration, please."
The wife, who is hard of hearing, leans over to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The husband replies, "HE WANTS TO SEE MY LICENSE AND REGISTRATION."
The cop looks at the drivers license and begins to chuckle. "I see you're from Schererville, Indiana. The worst piece of ass I ever had in my life lived in Schererville."
The woman leans over once again to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The husband replies, "HE SAYS HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU!"
A middleaged married couple were driving to the supermarket when the husband sees the flashing lights of a cop car in his rear view mirror. He immediately pulls over. A veteran cop saunters up to the car and says, "Drivers license and registration, please."
The wife, who is hard of hearing, leans over to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The husband replies, "HE WANTS TO SEE MY LICENSE AND REGISTRATION."
The cop looks at the drivers license and begins to chuckle. "I see you're from Schererville, Indiana. The worst piece of ass I ever had in my life lived in Schererville."
The woman leans over once again to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The husband replies, "HE SAYS HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU!"
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
THE BITCH IS BACK
I have returned from my 2 week hiatus. My wife, Joyce, and I took a cruise around the Hawaiian islands. Needless to say it was fabulous. How can a cruise around Hawaii not be fabulous? All the ingrediants were there: sun, beaches, warm temps and costly meals.
We had originally planned to take this trip on our 50th wedding anniversary in 2016. The we started to think: At our age (not that we're ancient) anything can happen.This blog is about the aging process and all that it entails, and our thinking ran along those lines. Why not take this trip while we still had our health and the money? Once you're over 65, unfortunately, anything can happen. While Joyce and I are currently in excellent health, whose to say what lies ahead a year or two from now? When you're in your thirties or forties, you can think long range--ten, fifteen, twenty, even thirty years down the line. But when you're the big seven-o, that timeline obviously shrinks, so that there is a modicum of uncertainty when even considering a 2 year timeline. So we said, what the hell. Let's go for it. Now we have some great memories, and great pics we'll be eventually posting on Facebook. And maybe--just maybe--if we're still alive and kicking on our 50th anniversary, we may just take our other dream vacation: East Chicago, Indiana.
We had originally planned to take this trip on our 50th wedding anniversary in 2016. The we started to think: At our age (not that we're ancient) anything can happen.This blog is about the aging process and all that it entails, and our thinking ran along those lines. Why not take this trip while we still had our health and the money? Once you're over 65, unfortunately, anything can happen. While Joyce and I are currently in excellent health, whose to say what lies ahead a year or two from now? When you're in your thirties or forties, you can think long range--ten, fifteen, twenty, even thirty years down the line. But when you're the big seven-o, that timeline obviously shrinks, so that there is a modicum of uncertainty when even considering a 2 year timeline. So we said, what the hell. Let's go for it. Now we have some great memories, and great pics we'll be eventually posting on Facebook. And maybe--just maybe--if we're still alive and kicking on our 50th anniversary, we may just take our other dream vacation: East Chicago, Indiana.
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