At the funeral service the undertaker asked the elderly widow, "How old was your husband?"
"Ninety-eight", replied the widow. "Two years older than me."
"So you're ninety-six," responded the undertaker. "Hardly worth going home, is it?"
A 95 year old man goes to the doctor's office and says, "Hey, doc, I want my sex drive lowered."
"But you're 95," replies the surprised doctor. "Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?"
"Damn right it is," snaps the old man. "That's why I want it lowered."
An elderly woman goes to her lawyer to make out her will. In it she has two final requests. First, she wants to be cremated. And second, she wants her ashes scattered around Walmart.
"Why do you want your ashes scattered around Walmart? her lawyer asks.
"That way I know my daughter will visit me at least twice a week."
Finally, I am going to make a workout video for people my age. I'm going to call it "Pumping Rust."
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